Seeing Ronnie For the First Time Since His Lung Cancer Diagnosis

I had never driven that far by myself. Well, even though I was the only one in my car, I wasn’t alone. God’s Presence gave me strength and peace, and I strongly felt the prayers of my husband and my sister. My drive to Albuquerque went smoothly, and even though I had never been there before, I had no problems finding the VA hospital.  Thanks to God and my gps.

I easily found Ronnie. In a ward with several other veterans,he was thrilled to see me. He seemed weak, but not in pain. Ronnie was emotional about all the events of the last few days, crying easily and frequently. When I began to talk to him about his diagnosis, he cried even more.

Within just a few minutes of my arrival at my uncle’s bedside, two doctors walked into the room and began to talk about his diagnosis, and the fact that some decisions needed to be made. Because Ronnie still had a great deal of confusion, the doctors felt that he was not capable of making those decisions himself.

At this point I did not have medical power of attorney, but because he never married and had no children, and as the oldest of his nieces and nephews, I was considered to be his next of kin.  Therefore, the decisions were mine to make.  The doctors wanted to talk to me alone.

I looked Ronnie in the eyes and asked him if he trusted me to make decisions for him.  He said that he did. I then told him that I loved him and would take care of him to the best of my ability, just as I did his mother.  We both cried.

For about 30 minutes, the doctors and I met and discussed treatment options for Ronnie.  One of the doctors was an oncologist and the other was a hospice specialist.  They were very easy to talk to and had quite a of information about Ronnie’s condition.

Next post: Making major medical decisions on Ronnie’s behalf.

The Empowered Patient, Part 2

The Empowered Patient, in my opinion, is a good listener.  Especially when a diagnosis is first given that is serious or terminal in nature.  Some doctors are very good at sharing information with their patients.  It is in our best interest to listen carefully.  Sometimes it is just important to know what a doctor hasn’t said as it is to know and understand what he has said.

It is my suggestion that you have someone with you at doctor’s appointments, especially in the beginning, when they are sharing test results and treatment plans.  There is no way that we can hear, understand and remember all the details likely to be shared.

An Empowered Patient asks questions.  With certain doctors that is easier said than done.

When both my parents were in the hospital on the oncology floor in rooms right next to each other, we had two different oncologists.  These who men were partners and covered for each other frequently.

One doctor, Dr. A was, and probably still is, known as the best cancer doctor in the area.  He was the leader, the pace setter among the other oncologists.  He was also a cancer patient, having an incurable but treatable form of cancer.  So many people sang his praises. Rightfully so.  Many people had their years of life extended because of his care.

As you can imagine Dr. A, was extremely busy, and was burdened with a very difficult medical practice.  He was very focused and serious.  He came on the floor and there was no chit chat.  He went right to work and the nurses better be ready.

Because my parent’s rooms were side by side, he could go to one first then the other.  He was totally focused on the patient in that room.  He quickly went through the charts, verbally gave instructions to the charge nurse who was with him, wrote more notes into the chart, said a few words to us and was gone to the next room.  Five minutes, max!

I quickly learned that if I had a question for Doctor A, I had to be prepared to interrupt him, either when he was writing or talking, because he was not going to pause long enough to hardly take a breath, much less to see if we had anything to ask.  So that’s what I did.  I would interrupt him.  Even though I tried to interrupt him in a polite way, it was obvious to me he didn’t like it.

However, he did answer my questions.  That, for me, at that time of crisis in my life, was what mattered.  Please understand. I am not saying that he was a bad doctor at all. He was just focused.

Doctor B was entirely different.  We learned several things about his personal life while he cared for my parents.  He didn’t mind visiting for a few moments. He came in with a smile and a joke or two.  He would actually pause and ask us if we had questions or concerns for him.  I always looked forward to the days when he would be making the rounds.

Both of these doctors are excellent doctors.  They are examples of doctors you and I have known and will know during times of medical need in our lives.  There will be doctors that are easy to communicate with and doctors who are not.  We must accept this as part of their personality and as part of the ‘package’.

Our challenge is to somehow be able to ask the questions we need to ask.  For a ‘Doctor A’ type, I suggest that you have your questions written down before your appointment.  I know that is not always possible, because often questions come to our minds during appointments, depending on what is being discussed and what decisions being made.  Additionally, I suggest you be prepared to interrupt – politely – if necessary, your ‘Doctor A’.  No, he may not like it, but he needs to know that you have questions and you want answers.

For a ‘Doctor B’, well, your challenge here is to not get sidetracked into side conversations to the point that you forget to ask questions!  Again, it is always a good idea to have your questions written down.

More to come about The Empowered Patient.