One of the blessings of my uncle’s relocation to the VA near me was that we got to spend a lot of time together. I visited him several times a week. I took him out to eat and to shop frequently. I finally had the opportunity to get to know my elusive Uncle Ronnie. We laughed about funny moments, shared stories about life experiences, and cried about the loss of family members over the years.
He loved to go to Walmart. At first he was able to use a walker to get around, but before long I had to talk him into using a motorized riding cart. He soon knew the layout of the store better than I did.
Good times. Wonderful memories.
Ronnie was amazing. He left his home one morning never to return. He had a terminal cancer diagnosis. He was flown to another state, to a hospital, to a hospital room that would be his new home for the rest of his days.
My uncle accepted all these things with no complaints and no self pity. Within a day or two he was smiling, laughing and making new friends. He never once asked me to take him home. He accepted all the medical intrusion into his life with no pushback.
Yes. I learned by watching my Uncle Ronnie that life is not always kind, but responding to life’s unkindness with acceptance results in a sense of peace for everyone involved. Thank you, Ronnie.
The doctors at the VA in Albuquerque decided that, considering the gravity of Ronnie’s health, and the decisions I had made regarding his treatment, the hospice unit would be an appropriate placement for him. I agreed.
So here I go again. Once again completing the paperwork, talking to the nurses, meeting the chaplain, and on and on.
My emotions at this point were just whirling. I was feeling a great deal of grief, because I knew my uncle’s life as he had been living it was over. I felt guilty because I was the one who made the decisions that took him from his home. I felt grateful and thankful because things had worked out so that I could be close to him. I felt some anger at Ronnie because his decision to smoke all his life had resulted in his body being consumed with cancer. Yes, I felt a complete range of emotions with clear reasons that I could articulate about each one.
Having been down this path though has helped me put whatever I am feeling into perspective. I am not the person in the midst of this crisis. Ronnie is. My feelings are secondary to his situation. He is the person who is ill, facing pain and death. My life will go on. His will not.
Some moments you never forget. The image of the elevator doors opening and my Uncle Ronnie just “appearing” there, lying on a gurney wearing his signature plaid shirt, his worn out cowboy hat and boots, will be forever a clear memory in my mind and heart.
it took about a week for all the paperwork to be completed, but the VA expedited my request to have Ronnie transferred to a VA near me. They arranged for him to be flown via small military jet to my location. Ronnie had been through a lot, physically and emotionally, but that flight was an exciting moment for him. I was impressed with all the VA had done.
When he arrived on the VA floor that would be his home for the rest of his days, I was the first person he saw. All the emotions of the last two weeks came flooding over Ronnie, and he began to cry once again.
A new journey down the now familiar cancer path had begun once again.
I had no second thoughts about my decision to not treat Ronnie’s cancer. I still believe that was the best choice in the midst of difficult options.
However, if I could do one thing differently, it would be to have allowed the doctors to biopsy the tumors in Ronnie’s lungs. True, it would not have changed the decision to not do chemo, but it would have given his doctors more information about the type of cancer with which they were dealing. They would have known if it was a cancer that grew rapidly or slowly. They would have been able to better predict which direction it would go and how fast it would get there. Having that information would have assisted the doctors as they strived to keep Ronnie comfortable.
Yes. More information is always better.